High Time

Sitting in the same place I sat more than 3 months ago, am I still in the same place I was then? I've only ever felt indifference about this room. For a while it was a necessity to sit in here, there was no other place to connect with the outside world. And even then the sulphur in the air ate away the internet cables so badly, communication was often lost. I used to sit here, searching for jobs, searching for somewhere to go. Sniff, here he comes. I hate that noise, but at least I know, when I hear it, he's not far away. He hasn't always been a sniffer. We'd look for jobs all over New Zealand, struggling to find something that would suit. We hate living where we work, and this was our third experience of it together, I think it made my 6^th in total. We hate walking across the road to work/ to sleep. It feels mundane, it is mundane. Living like that really gets you down. We got to a point where we had no motivation, didn't go anywhere, do anything, and the owners, the people who paid us, they decide to take whatever they want for rent. We were on $14 an hour, before tax and paying $360 a week together to live in an old run down hostel. After working a 100 hour week, we ended up with about $700. Seems like a lot, and even though we weren't doing anything we seemed to piss it all away. The room we had was nice, but cramped with unused beds. The kitchen was horrible, so much wasted food from past employees, one knife and hundreds of forks. The bathrooms aren't even worth mentioning, I'm glad I had thongs for the showers. Poor Adam in the male bathrooms. We worked here together for just on 2 months. We lived here for only two weeks. We found most of our wage went to the owners, what a perfect scheme for them. They charge 12 hours a week to live here. I just walked into the kitchen here, seems they only have spoons now. We were able to live in one of the nicest units in town, fully furnished, for cheaper than here. We lived in that apartment for 3 months.

I often think I'd like to go back to a certain day, and make the opposite decision, or think it through properly, make an informed decision, not an impulse one. Go back and start again from the other side. See where I'd be now, I always make the safe/ boring decision. Sitting here, 5 months ago, looking online at different courses I could do, not sure what to pick, there are so many options, and choosing the wrong one could mean a complete waste of money, for nothing. Last night I chose the course I was looking at 5 months ago. I enrolled. It's done. There are no what if's now. It's a lot of money, it will be useful. I've looked into business management, hospitality and tourism, human rights, immigration. I either know a fair amount on the topic, and the course would just help me get a job I'm already qualified for, or the course would make me into the opposite person I would like to be, or the course just scares the bee-jesus out of me, and it's high time to start something small. So I'm starting with something small, and I'm taking a leap of faith at the same time. I chose a writing course, there was about 25 to choose from; editing and proof reading, journalism, youth fiction, children's books, auto-biographies, biographies and family histories, travel writing, and a few more that didn't really catch my attention. 

The course I chose is 100 hours, whatever that means. I don't even know what the qualification I will get will be. A certificate maybe, but that doesn't matter, it's the experience, the knowledge I gain that will help. Sitting here, for the first time in 3 months, thinking about the same things I was thinking about 5 months ago, a little hindsight back then and I would be almost finished with the course now. However, starting the course now, I have completely different perspective. I chose the auto-biographies, biographies and family histories course. Mum has enough information on our family to write a million books, or maybe just one really good one. I like the idea of telling peoples stories. Especially the ones that would never have been told otherwise.

This course will help me with the bigger picture, the end game that scares the bee-jesus out of me. Australian Immigration, refugees and asylum seekers and detentions, and politics and all that is horrible about turning a blind eye in Australia at the moment, well for the last decade at least. On a number of occasions, I have read that if you meet someone, and hear their story, someone who has been through what we so casually label as a boat person, or queue jumper, your perspective changes. If I can write about some of these people, some of their incredible journeys, maybe I will change a few perspectives along the way.